anniversary suicide (more__glitter) wrote in vh1_kept,
anniversary suicide

we can think of better ones ;D

Top 25 Signs That You Were on KEPT

25. You planned a trip to the Super Bowl for youself and 10 buddies and booked just one hotel room for everybody.

24. Before you approach women in a bar you look for a hidden camera.

23. "My left testacle? No! No! That was a joke!"

22. You've stopped watching "That 70s Show".

21. In a police lineup you strip to your Calvin Klein briefs, flex your muscles and suck your cheeks tight.

20. You addressed a meter maid as "Your Ladyship".

19. You wander around asking "what's a sycophant?"

18. Every night you dream you're shooting at Ricardo's ass instead of the clay pigeons.

17. If your date says "these flowers are lovely" you respond "well, you picked them out."

16. When you filled out a job application you put "sophisticated European gentleman" down as your job history.

15. You checked your new adjustable bed to make sure it didn't have a setting called "six inch nails."

14. You ordered a McBrainburger for lunch.

13. At an art gallery opening you grabbed a tray and instinctively covered your crotch.

12. Your threw out all your polo shirts.

11. "A topless show in PARIS? No s!#%?"

10. When you see a freezing river, you strip and jump in.

9. You wake up screaming, "I can TOO get what I want, b!#%&!"

8. When you met the female CEO of your company you dropped to your knees and gave her a gift-wrapped set of bath oils.

7. If a woman asks how old she looks you say "ten?"

6. "What rhymes with 'roses are red, violets are blue'?"

5. You've developed a paralyzing fear of velvet ropes.

4. You still don't know who Anne Boleyn was.

3. You sit next to the phone and wonder "will Jerry ever call?"

2. "Jerry, this new Lamborghini is great! But what's that decal on the dashboard mean? 'Warning - Objects in mirror are older than they appear'".

...and the number one sign that you were on KEPT:

1. You spent last night in jail after saying "waiter, could I have a taste of your delicious spotted dick?"

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic